Cancelled Draft: Garrosh Knows Best

–First slice, unedited & unpolished–
As always, the servant knocked on the shimmering door out of pure gold, cleaned every hour with Mr. Shiny. You know, the product with a bald gnome on it. It was a dryad this time, only wearing a leafy bra and and pink panties out of silk. Now we have burned the picture of a dryad somehow wearing pink panties burned into your mind, let’s move on with the story.
“Oh Your Warchiefness! My apologies for disturbing you, but it is time to get up.”
Garrosh opened his eyes and was awake instantly. While his dialogue may be a pain to read, we assure you it is an accurate reflection of his way of conversing.
“YOU DARE TO DISTURB ME, HORSE? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS INTRUSION?!”
“It is morning, oh Garrosh the Great, and you had a meeting planned with each of the leaders of both the Horde and the Alli-”
“I DON’T REMEMBER NO DAMN MEETINGS! I SHALL ASSUME YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ME AND GO SEE THESE WORTHLESS PIGS!”
Garrosh jumped up out of bed like the badass he is and grabbed the dryad by the throat and the panties, carrying her over to the balcony with ease. Obviously, this appears to be on the edge of a cliff.
“YOU… ARE… DISMISSED!!”
Over the edge the dryad went, though she didn’t fall deep; there already was a twenty feet high pile of bodies of various races. This was just daily routine after all. Still, the dryad died instantly, because we’ve all seen how Garrosh’s victims die when they are dropped off a cliff, with a rocky protrusion just a few feet below. Poor Krom’gar.
He reached for his teleportation device conveniently attached to the wall of the balcony, pressed the button, and poof! There he was, on one of his sixty-four thrones scattered all over the world.
“BAIN BLOODHOOF, TREAD BEFORE YOUR ALMIGHTY WARCHIEF!”
The tauren Chieftain came walking over the hill, carrying his cane with him; then, he came to a halt in front of GtG (Garrosh the Great, or had you forgotten already?).
“SPEAK, WORM!”
The tauren narrowed his eyes at the brown orc and spoke.
“Dude, I wanted to talk to you about something bothering me. You killed my dad, dude. That’s not cool.”
Garrosh stared at him with his piercing angry gaze but did not reply.
“Dude, I know your weapon was poisoned, but still. (…)

————

This was something I started on when I was bored, just a nonsensical little Warcraft story, “for the lolz”. I ended up not finishing it after a good night’s sleep, so into the mental trash bin of ideas it went. Still, rereading it, I found it to be rather… extraordinary, to the point that I thought I should share it anyway, even if it cuts off abruptly and didn’t get a single revision / potential typo correction. Let me know what you think when you’re done facepalming at this garbage.

 

 

 

Ragnar the Red

It was certainly a jolly evening at the Bannered Mare in Whiterun. Hulda, the innkeeper, opened another bottle of mead as she briefly scanned the room; several men were sitting around the fireplace, telling stories both truthful and nonsensical, depending on how much mead the storyteller had already had, but entertaining nonetheless. It created an atmosphere exclusively found in this particular tavern, every now and then. Other than that, some people were chatting, the local bard was playing the flute, a couple was making out in a dimly lit corner, and an armoured young lady she knew was called Matilda sat at a table in another corner, sipping her wine while reading a book about Tiber Septim. No one bothered her, because she was known to be quite the turbulent one.

Just as Hulda was about to head over to the merry men, the front door swung open and a man of roughly thirty years old with bright red hair and a rather ugly mug entered. Now, the door had long gotten used to being mistreated, but as soon as the man stood in the doorway, he raised his voice and shouted over everyone else’s.

“Maid, you will hand that bottle over to me, for I shall be prioritized over the others, you see!”

Even as the room was still growing quiet, the man paced over to her and practically pulled the bottle from her hands, taking a large swig. Hulda still had her hands in the same position for a moment as if she still held the bottle, looking at him in slight disbelief… and with a rapidly dropping mood. Before she could protest, though, the man turned his back on her, towards everyone else in the room, and continued with a loud, self-assured voice.

“Folks, my name is Ragnar the Red and I came riding here to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead!

This is The Bannered Mare, is it not? Then let me tell you of some of my great deeds, you lot.”

Ragnar proceeded to draw his weapon, and as expected, the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made. Everyone just stared at him as he went on; nobody knew him, and nobody had asked for this interruption. As soon as he finished the bottle of mead – it must have taken five minutes at most – he demanded another one without even turning to face Hulda. On and on he went, even when the first people started to leave, with even the merry men now sitting with a frown. Not only did he manage to ruin the evening and get some people to sod off, he was most likely not going to pay for all this mead either.

But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, as a woman from the other side of the room raised her voice and said;

“Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead! Now I think it is time that you lie down and bleed!”

Ragnar gazed over at her. It was Matilda. Some of the men grinned; they knew what would happen now. Everyone in Whiterun knew Matilda.

Ragnar replied, though with much less confidence that just earlier.

“Woman, I must say, you surely are brave. But it is best for your wellbeing that you sit down and behave.”

Several jaws dropped, including Hulda’s. He dared to talk to Matilda like that? Last time someone tried that, a few years ago… everyone still remembered that. Not even the guards present at the time dared taking her into custody right away.

No more words were spilled; the fierce lady drew her blade with a wild gesture, baring her teeth. And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal.

And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no more… when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Based on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMMm7T9C790)

-This one was meant to be light-hearted; a song from some of the bards in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, “storified” while keeping elements of the song, and creating more rhyming dialogue. Tell me what you think!

 

 

The Sapling Has Been Planted!

Hello and welcome to the blog!

As it turns out, writing fictional stories, be they short or long, is something I love to do. I will write a piece whenever I feel like it and post it here from now on; for a while now, I’ve been at a loss where to post the things I write, so they either ended up being sent to a single friend only, or got posted on a forum where you had to be very lucky to receive any reaction or feedback to your work.

What you will find here, as I said before, are fictional works. Mostly fanfiction, to be more precise, although at some point, more original stuff may start to creep in. Anyway; this can be related to a game, a book, a movie, or whatever else. I used to play World of Warcraft until some months ago (at the time of this post’s writing), so my scribble was heavily influenced by that. But now, there will likely be very few, if any at all, stories of the Warcraft setting – it really depends on what pops up into my mind. A ton of ideas keep popping up all the time, which is why this blog now exists; so I have a place to occasionally make something coherent of them and fire them off to whoever in the world is interested in reading them.

Something else worth mentioning is that, while I vastly prefer to write and converse in English, it is, in fact, not my mothertongue. I feel I have decent grammatical skills, but if you spot any mistakes at any time, feel free to notify me – I genuinely appreciate it and I will only benefit from it.

One last thing. I’m completely new to WordPress and even blogging in general, so if something goes wrong or if the website looks ugly for the time being, my lack of experience and knowledge in this is to blame, but it shouldn’t stay that way, hopefully. If I get more than one or two readers, I’ll be more inclined to make something precious and lasting of it, promise.

That will be all for now. Thank you for reading and thank you for visiting the blog; and if you visit regularly to read my work, thanks a million times and I hope you enjoy the stories!

- K